I promise I'll start exercising TOMORROW

The holidays have taken their toll both physically and emotionally. I live with one of the world's worse holiday haters. Depression set in early. How do I get myself out of bed for a run or even a few stretches when I went to bed crying and wake up after a fitful night of poor sleep?
I don't know. I just don't.
There's a program in Colorado called "Weigh and Win." I don't know whose brainchild this is. But they pay you for lost weight and for keeping it off. You register and the rest I'm sketchy on. There are kiosks around that you visit for official weigh ins. The closest one to me is at least 2 hours away, and seeing that I can't even get out of bed to do a sit-up, I just don't have the enthusiasm to join a program that pays - here's the good part - $15 for a 5% weight loss. (More money for more weight loss)
So, if I weigh 150 right now and lose my 20 pounds (yeah right), there's my 5%. For $15 big ones..no wait, that's $15 little ones. For big ones, I'd jump right in my car and do it. But for that? Hahaha.
It got me thinking how much money would inspire me to get moving? I don't have an answer yet.
Where's the spark that will move me? The New Year approaches. Life trudges on.
So, while I ponder all that, I'll have another cup of tea and see what mood the manic depressive is in.
Maybe just getting myself out the door to work is good enough for now. Just trying to stay afloat financially is my exercise for the day. I'll be grateful for my jobs and my beautiful house... well, it's the location more than the actual house. Still working on the beautiful house part. Which is why I have 2 jobs. An exercise in perseverance.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow, you're only a day away...

What was I thinking?

Start a diet and exercise blog right at the beginning of the chocolate and holiday season. Gain weight. Get more depressed.
did I mention the weight gain? ugh.
and the depression. sigh. my spouse is worse than usual this season which makes it difficult for me to stay on track.
I took one sledding run this morning.
ate salad yesterday.
That's the best I can do for today.

yes, sledding

Yesterday's venture was to make the sledding path. I tried a new spot that I discovered to the south with a north facing hill so the snow stays there longer. It's not as steep as the other hill and about the same distance away. The trek up the not very steep hill was good. Then I made the 3 requisite trips down. The first one is more scooching to make the path. The second one was a bit of a slide and I wondered if my other hill was better because it's steeper. The third run didn't take me any further, didn't gain any speed.
But this morning, it should be good and frozen and I should have some good fast fun.
As far as aerobics go, I got some good breathing but didn't really break a sweat.
And had hot dogs and french fries for dinner. How's that for diet food?

sledding

Soooo, it's snowing. tomorrow morning calls for sledding. I can't wait.
The amazing thing is, if I dont exercise, I don't have as much energy.
The problem is, I don't have the energy to go out and exercise.
And I have so much to do!!!
I am committed to getting out of this Christmas fudge eating rut and getting out into the land of breathing hard. Oh boy.
Tonight it's minestroni that I made yesterday... and maybe work on my xmas cards. not very aerobic.

a trek in the woods

When all else fails, go for a walk in the woods. And lately, all else is failing. But at least I did something.
I start out uphill at least so my heart gets going. was all set to go up the road, up the killer hill but remembered that I saw lights through the trees when I got home after dark (which isn't saying much these days) and wondered where the heck light would be coming from.
So, I started out in that direction and before long, always surprises me, I saw what I guess is our nearest neighbor's house just over one ridge. Coulda been that or coulda been the moon coming up. I won't be home till even later tonight, so no telling.
What I did see were coyote tracks along a deer trail and fresh antler rubs in the aspen grove and the neighbors across the street out for their morning stroll through their woods.
Ten degrees out, I didn't linger.
long day ahead so a big breakfast and some fruit later, then extra work after my library gig. Working extra for a girl who's off for the holidays. Maybe more money will magically give me inspiration to lose weight. eat right. exercise more.
It's a nice thought. Off and running in one sense or another.

Soup

The soup really save me. It's filling and has vegetables in it.
I get the noodles from the Asian market. Rice or mung bean. The bean noodles get thick. I use miso for soup base. Onion, garlic and whatever veges are on hand. If you have time, saute the onions, otherwise, just chop things up, throw them in with the miso and water and cook until tender. I also add seaweed for flavor and nutrition. It smells bad while cooking but tastes good. You can add curry and fish sauce too. coconut milk is always good with curry. I also added some hot pepper for warmth. That's my staple food I make after I've been bad. That is what I ate yesterday after I had lox and bagels with a giant chocolatey coffee.
The only thing I know is going to happen today is I'm not running and I'm having a giant breakfast as I have interviews all day and don't know when I'll get them written.
I hate stress. I didn't sleep well thinking about it all, so the hell with everything. I'm going to have coffee and bacon and eggs and go to work.

sticking with the program

When I don't write one day, it is often because I'm either too busy ot didn't do any damn thing healthy.
Yesterday is a fine example. Sure, I walked the dog around the yard. Very little aerobics involved. And I didn't eat until it was too late. I had an avacado, sprouts, tomatoes, black olives, peppers and fresh basil. Nice try. But it was too late. I was still hungry.
So I had popcorn. Then a piece of pumpkin pie. Then some cashews, then a cookie.
Today, my library staff meeting is at a coffee shop and the taxpayers are buying. I'm pretty sure I'll have some egg and cheese and croissant combination with the most giant coffee chai combination.
So, here's the conundrum... and I've done this many time before, so I know it will happen. If I have a nice big fat salad this afternoon, my insides will surely start to grumble. I work in a small office at the paper and the bathroom is pretty centrally located, and I am uncomfortable with spending a lot of unpersonal time in there. I have been known to leave work and go to my daughter's house to use the bathroom in private.
But, being Monday, I want to get back on the healthy eating program and must ease into it. I don't know if there's anybody else out there (I can't be the only one!!!) who does this. Eat crap all weekend, then get back on track for the week. It should be the other way around, but with one day off a week, I like to really blow it one whole day. And where does that get me?
Here. right here. same weight. same big fat slug.
I have no big solution today. I did yoga. A new routine. and I did the whole thing. no cheating. Then I took the dog around the yard.
Now, after this lovely conversation with  myself, I am going to ease into something healthy for lunch and make a nice soup with carrots and mung bean noodles.
Thanks for listening.

Sugar Blues

I have afflictions that worsen when my sugar intake increases. Nothing drastic. Just fungus. A case of athletes foot (to be specific, athletes little toe) gets worse when I've been eating more sugar. Isn't that nice that my body sends me signals to let me know I need to make an adjustment.
To highlight the evils of refined sugar, it goes into the body, travels around and comes out as fat... out as in, out into my hips thighs and butt. then my fungus eats it up. happy happy fungus. Even too much high sugar fruit can go the bad route.
Rough time of year to try eating spinach instead of cookies. And the sugar in cookies is usually attached to some sort of fat (as in butter) and white refined flour (which turns to sugar and then - FAT).
don't forget the booze. alcohol = sugar.
I'm not making any promises but it's my message for the day to watch out for the evils of sugar and try try try to give it a rest... and try try try to exercise 6 days a week.
Exercise makes me feel better. Coming down from sugar is bad.
Holiday depression. ugh.
Get out and feel the sunshine!

cellulite

I caught a glimpse of my rear end in the mirror the other day. won't go into gorrey details but while I ran this morning, I pictured all those lumps and bumps just melting away.
The good news is that I managed to get out the door at least and move my self down the road.
trying, trying trying to do at least something those six six six days a week!!!

in the thick of my expanding waistline

Gaining one pound after another, this is the most I have almost ever weighed! Depressing doesn't even begin to describe it. Exasperating more like. Since I started this blog with the intention of documenting my weight loss and exercise regime, the whole idea has backfired.
Yet, I continue to document. One cookie yesterday led to another (they are everwhere). Has pie for dessert after a nutritious chinese noodle soup.
I took the dog for a walk. Depressed and slow. through the snow.
I have my smoothie and carrot apple salad packed for work.
Here is my fat ass out the door searching for happiness and motivation.

Put the Cookie Down!

Not just dark out but in the minus degrees, so I did manage to perform a few down dogs and an upward facing dog, or a cobra or something and a sloppy triangle pose from a new routine I found in Yoga Journal magazine. It's titled something like "Clear and Conscientious."  Supposed to help, uh, keep my mind straight or whatever... well, I suppose, first I have to do it more than once and then at least really try to do it well.
I don't even want to talk about how much I weigh because it keeps going up and up. And to top things off, I get to my first interview this morning and the guy goes and buys me a chocolate chip cookie with my coffee. and I had just, moments before, sworn off cookies!!
Big sigh to go with my big butt.

the dark days

It's 6:45 a.m. and just beginning to get light. These are the days of yoga. plus it's cold. sorry, but I'm not going out for a run.
I told a friend about my blog yesterday. And how I haven't exactly lost any weight. She said, "Oh, well, if you're writing the blog, that's all you have to do. You don't have to do any of the stuff you're talking about!"
So, great.. the pressure's off. Just the thought of losing weight and getting fit should do the trick.
The thought for the day is to just "hold that thought!"

lack of time and energy

I ran one day. Then I didn't. Then my sister (thanks) sent me an article how running kills. It was about marathoners and those 2 recent guys who keeled over at the end of their race.
...no threat with me as I don't manage to get much further than a mile - although I do get some good huffing and puffing going, I don't think it's life threatening.
Then my sister (thank you) sent me an article about how keeping track of all this diet and exercise business can drive you crazy and even back fire. That part seems to be true. I have gained weight since I've started this. What's up with that?
We're not even into the thick of the holidays and the last two mornings I have started my day with a delicious and (not) nutritious breakfast of chocolate cookies and cheesecake. Of course, my weight is in the dumper anyway, so what can it hurt? Might as well get happy with chocolate!!!!

run and lift

Yesterday I ran a mile and was glad enough about just doing that after the big Thanksgiving slump. I ate right.
Today I unloaded the trailer full of wood.
It's my usual day off slump where I know I don't really have to do a lot, so I don't.
I also have the 3 year old to keep me entertained, but she's pretty happy lying on the couch watching "Spirit" or "Scamper" for the gazillionth time.
It's a grey snowy day, so couch it is.

half a promise

So I did 3 sun salutes and a couple of down dogs, ran up the hill behind my house and, as always, I'm running late.. no pun intended...
it's so dark out until it's too late.. I've already wasted the morning. not wasted, but not exercising.
so, here I go rushing around to get out the door for a very busy day. But, I'm not giving up. I'm eating oatmeal for breakfast and my salad for lunch is ready. I think I'm supposed to babysit after work so need to get my work done at work.
running late. or late running.

six days a week? are you crazy?

Exercising every day seems nearly impossible. I wonder if the guys who wrote the book and said to exercise 6 days a week exaggerated knowing that nobody can really do that. Well, I can't seem to. Full time job with babysitting and other extracurricular activities and now the holidays upon us, I did manage to eat breakfast, hang my laundry out and, uh, get ready to go to work. How pathetic.
Tomorrow, I promise!!!!

Out of the coma

Three days of babysitting and exercise consisted of chasing after the three year old...
Food has been of the pie variety...
And the exercise of the day stemmed from me putting away the giant laundry pile and I came across some shoes-heels but not un-wearable, so I am seeing if (weather permitting) I want to consider wearing them to my job office xmas party or wear them ever or never, so I am pretending to be my fair lady or something with heels.
that's about it. it's work work work plus the 3 year old and today taking my art show down from the Beulah Inn, then off to Westcliffe for a photo of some art guild folks getting ready for this week's art reception at the gallery for the paper this week.
On the run - so to speak.

Dear diet, I'm sorry...

       It's Thanksgiving, and I'm knee deep in croissants. Last night I made the pumpkin pie. The aroma lingered. Now it's butter croissants that I started last night. did the butter rolling layers thing, woke up energized to get after my pastry dough. I love cooking.
        I have run everyday, one with situps and arm weights and stretches, yesterday just a run made special because my 11 year old grandson came with me... trotted along like he lived on a cloud...
..........Until about half way up "THE HILL" when he stopped for a stooped over breather. later on, complained of stiff legs. ha. not just younger next year, but as tough as a child. maybe next I'll try racing the 3 year old in order to feel superior and like I'm at least making some progress on this whole ordeal.
        My weight has not only not budged but is still trying to go the wrong direction - through no attempts of my own to keep it under control.
        And so, my message for today is to let go of the attempts to control anything whatsoever, but to stay on my path of well being... and this is today's lesson for my life in general. Do what's good for me. let go of everything else. but not the pie. hang on to the pie. (Don't worry, you'll see it in 3 days on my hips).

on running

     I just want to say a few words on running versus walking. They use different muscles. I don't know why but I feel the running in my butt, and when I walk, I feel it in my calves. Somehow, the act of picking one foot up before the other one lands or keeping one foot on the ground puts that action into different muscles. This is a good thing.
     I also love that it doesn't matter how hard I try, (or don't try), if I get my heart rate up, I sweat, and toxins come out. The hot bath afterward is glorious. I love "washing away" all that bad stuff. It might be nice to wash away a few pound, but one thing at a time I guess.

remission

Well, hi there. It has been three days, I think, and it's not like I haven't done ANYTHING, but I haven't run or done a situp or a downward facing dog.
It all started with babysitting which involved sitting down for 2 seconds only to pop up again for a child's need. Walk halfway across the room only to be called back to get something for a kid. A straw for the juice. No, a red one, not a green one. Shoes on. Shoes off. Outside to play. Back in again. All of this entailing absolutley no aerobics.
I spent the night with the little dumplings and slept but not that great and went off to work the next morning with no exercise and, voila', no exercise the next day either. Miss a day, miss a month. That's how it goes.
So today is Sunday. My only task is to make waffles (yeah, that's really on the diet program). Jog up the hill I must. It's only a little windy. I will slug through it. We don't have the wind they have down in town. Some people were without power for a week. Lost roofs, trees toppled. The west side by the mountains is a disaster area.
And!!! I got new running shoes. Nikes. The fit me well. The arch is in just the right place. I've seen other great running shoes but don't get out to a store to try them on, so, Nikes come to my door via UPS. My old shoes were cracked and the stuffing was coming out. My new ones aren't quite as sturdy and have mesh that breathes a little too much for cold weather, but I'll suck it up. Wear warm socks.
Off I go.

ow, ow, ow, ow

A short run and yoga today. Low motivation took me half way up the hill only to grab a roll of baling wire and affix some loose boards on our snow fence.
I stopped in at my daughter's house yesterday - she has a TV, and Rachel Ray had a trainer on her show that said to "mix it up" in order to get all your muscles.
So today I did yoga tape #2. Ouch. hold that plank position to build some heat. yeah. and kill my shoulders. then do the "Cobra pose." then don't quite do "Upward facing dog." then collapse on the floor.
Tomorrow's gotta be better. When do I feel younger?

on and on I go

I ran anyway, no matter what I felt like. Did the mile. My husband said he watched me "dog trot" up the hill, and while he whizzes past me on a mountain hike, said he could never do that. great. "What's it done for your weight honey?" he asked. "Nothing," I said. Well, it's only been a week.
Came home and did situps and stretches and arm weights.
I'm so glad. oops, is that sarcasm?

...and then the bottom fell out

Soooo, I've been on this great exercise regimen for 1 whole week now and the last few days have been a struggle... I have been very tired but pushing myself to go to work and go to events and get up and exercise..
But I did NOT exercise Saturday morning.. woke up late, dashed out the door to work. After work picked up my grandson Arlo to take him to a bluegrass concert to see Sons and Brothers and The Haunted Windchimes. Arlo has recently taken up banjo. He's 11. I wanted to nurture that, so I took him backstage, met a couple band members. He was cool.
Sunday morning was no better. I did yoga. 20 minutes of the standing poses. Then, I pretty much went back to bed for the day.
This morning was not much of an improvement. I'm tired and feeling stressed. I woke up late, did not exercise. went to a meeting. went to work for a short while, told my boss I was sick and came home. I am making French onion soup. and I'm going to bed.
And that's all she wrote.

I SO did not want to do this this morning

     I could have lain in bed all morning. It felt so delicious. The sunrise was pink and lavendar on the snow capped mountains. My tea was extra especially delicious. My husband was nice. But, this is day 6 of "exercise 6 days a week."
     My hips are a little out of wack from yesterday's digging - well, they were. After running, its just my one knee that gets a little out of joint. And after two days of so-called "cross-training" I needed to do the BIG run - which I will have to recalibrate. After I went up the different route that one snowy day, I liked it better because there aren't any cars at all.
     So, off, out of the driveway, I felt the burn in the back of my legs like always. Just wanted to share that. And I had to walk a few strides up the killer hill.
     Something I have been noticing is how deceptive hills are. Sometimes it looks like a hill is steep but it's all relative to the slope in front or behind it, and I am happily, with great nostalgia, remembering something a friend said many years ago.
     We lived in Beulah and made the 20 or 30 mile commute to Pueblo regularly. We also did our fair share of hallucinogens. Mushrooms were the preferred escape. One day, old friend Chas said as we drove, "Wow, it's like we're going downhill..." which of course we were, but then of course there was the upslope after the down slope and lord knows where his focus was, and we laughed uncontrollably for a long long time over that. Well, I think about that while running because I can't really tell always what level I'm on if it weren't for my breathing (or lack of). Sometimes, I'm seemingly going uphill at a gallop but of course, not really. It's just my perception. But I think of Chas with great fondness as I pay attention to my breathing and my stride on the ups and the downs.
And, so, I have exercised 6 days in a row for at least 1 hour each day. hurray for me. and by the way, I still weigh 145, but they said next year, not next week.

mixing it up

Just a quickie here, been trying all afternoon to report in. I woke up exhausted this morning. often do on my day off. well, never made it out the door to run but instead, I dug up a bunch of lilac bushes (5) and put them in under my compost pile at my house. They had just been planted a couple months ago so were really easy to loosen up and put in pots. A bear had knocked over our compost barrel a while back when somebody (me) didn't turn the switch back on the electric fence and the big guy crawled in underneath and knocked it over. so, I dug a trench and put the stinky garbage in it and covered it with leaves, so it was all nice and loose and easy to dig. That was today's workout.
I'm making gnocchis (sp?) for dinner but think I'll trudge on up to the mailbox to get the mail. A good day for working out - this is day 5 of the supposed ongoing six days a week for the rest of my life. well, sigh, seems to be going o.k. so far. not weighing myself today.

cross training

     This morning I took it upon myself to mix things up. I ran, in hiking boots, up the hill and back (one mile) and then did yoga. You see, I've been doing one or the other, but lately, it isn't cutting it. With what I'm reading in "Younger Next Year" that's kind of a no-brainer with age... you have to do more to combat the battle of the bulge and battle of the blah.
     I ate all kinds of food yesterday.. after my completely practical big lunch of salmon and salad and quinoa, some women prepared a feast for a meeting I had for work. Lasagna, macaroni and cheese (who are these women who don't have to watch their pastas?) and cookies galore - which I ate. two.
     The authors in the book use one of my favorite terms - "drapery" legs. If that doesn't get you going, I don't know what will. Well, that and the thought of less wobble in the triceps... and I also really like the way these guys keep saying "younger next year, not next week!"

The Universe Provides

     Snowing and blowing and nippy this morning. My book says to exercise every day but only really really hard so many days and then less hard so many days - or something. (people hear what they want to) So, I didn't quite go all the way around and walked mostly cuz I was wearing my hiking boots and snowpants and kept the dog on the leash on the busy  dirt road that at least two cars or trucks go by while we're out and the dog doesn't understand "get out of the road" yet. But she knew she was on the leash for a reason and came cowering when I called to put her back on as we approached the county road again.
         It still took me an hour to get around with my trudging pace. However, when I found myself taking slow baby steps, I caught myself and lengthened my stride. good for me.
         About half way around I tied my scarf around my head and hat... funny how fashion just goes right out the window when you're uncomfortable. My nose runs and I huff and puff. Not a glamourous picture.
        Speaking of uncomfortable, apparently it was the valerian making my hip fall asleep at night. Says right there on the back of the bottle not to take it if you have low blood pressure... and that's me.. miss no circulation. So, I haven't taken any and the problem seems to have subsided. Motherwort and scullcap tincture, hops and mint tea along with this rigorous exercise and I slept o.k. anyway.
      I'm quite proud of myself for getting out there three days in a row. And only the rest of my life to go. What inspiration!

run walk jog

   I did it again, but want to clarify that I use the term "run" loosely. It's just easier to say. however, no way do I run unless I'm on the flat or downhill. and even though I went the other direction, the hill going the other way is just as challenging and I had to walk up it. I will also have to put the dog on the leash for a day so she understands "get out of the road" when a vehicle goes by and she's 1/2 mile away.
Let me say that today was harder than yesterday. About halfway through, I could have just sat down. If somebody I knew drove by, I would have accepted a ride.
    The fastest mile was run in 3+ minutes - say just under 4. My fastest mile (on the flats, in my 40s) was about 8 minutes.
   My new 2.7 miles takes me one hour. To put that in perspective (for myself) a hike up to one of the easiest lakes, Sand Creek, takes me about 2 1/2 hours. It's around 4 miles. Up. So, I guess I'm not doing too bad. My husband (age 63) and younger hiking friend made it up in an hour and 45 minutes once - but they were excited to go fishing. whatever. I'm excited to get back home for a hot epsom salt bath.
   The book says to just jump in and do the hard workout - no building up. while I hate that idea, that's what got me going on this longer running route. and now, today, while I can barely move, I am remembering a construction job I had when I was around 30. There was no warm up period. I didn't work on my upper body strength one day and lower the next. I didn't rest. I went to work sore and worked hard to make (really good) money. I was also the token female on the job and wanted to show I could do it. At first, I could not even lift a box of corner bead and after a month or two, hefted it up onto my shoulder and carried it up 5 flights of stairs.
   So, I can do this. I just have to keep doing it. When I started running, I went 1 block. Look at me now!
   By the way, I didn't have a cookie or anything yesterday. Yeah, sure, I weigh the same, but, let's just see what happens in a year.

More about running and beyond

I forgot to mention, I live at 9,200 feet. Just a slight incline can take the wind out of me if I'm not into my routine. There is always that first push of breathlessness and then it's o.k.
Big adventure today! I ran more than one mile.
You know, I'm reading, "Younger Next Year," and either the book or the guy who told me about the book said (that the book said) "You have to push yourself to go beyond the norm..." No matter how hard I think my 1 mile run is, that's all I do. And where has that gotten me? 
So, today, I decided to go further. I must say, after the fact, I drove the route and it was 2.7 miles more. so, I ran almost three miles today. (That's how far the detective chicks in the murder mystery books go)... And didn't die. Oh, I walked up one hill. Maybe tomorrow I'll go the other way so that hill is first rather than last.
Anyway,I figured, I've been running a mile (hit or miss) for about 18 years. I started running when I turned 40, and I'll be 58 in 2 months. Wow, how time flies. (or not)
I have run in the city and the country, high elevation and sea level. doesn't matter. always hard.
And I guess, I thought that getting older meant slowing down, but that is certainly not the case in the rest of my life (work, grandkids, art, music, projects, volunteer work) so why should exercise change? And the premise behind pushing myself further is that (according to the book) it sends the message to my body NOT to stop making new cells and NOT to pad on extra fat and NOT TO SLOW DOWN!
On my way up the driveway today, I didn't think I could go because: It was cold and I didn't wear longjohns under my sweats; I forgot a scarf and when I zip my jacket up all the way the zipper pokes my chin; I forgot to drink water (I could - uh - wither). Well, I go through this litany of excuses most every day. maybe, eventually, I'll change that mindset to all the reasons I CAN go UP and OUT of the driveway. With Joy.(like the Peaceful Warrior guy who ran with "Joy."
I must say, I was pretty wooped when I got back and did not even think about my chakras on the way down the hill. Maybe I didn't need to. maybe they were doing just fine all on their own. I did remember to look out at the mountains now and then and ENJOY THE VIEW. When I get to the top of my hill (the killer one) I see a panorama of Pike's Peak,the gray shades of the bluffs surrounding Canon City, the whole Sangre de Cristo range and the Wet Mountains behind my house. When not enjoying the view, I scan the roadway for sharp objects bad for tires.
The dog thought the run was pretty fun too, although a bit confused. She thinks any run is fun. and was only a bad dog once and stood in the middle of the road for one car (people gave me dirty looks) I said "bad dog" and she stayed where she was for the next vehicle, that didn't end up coming our way. Good dog.
Today, instead of feeling like I'm not getting anywhere and never will, I feel like maybe I could climb up to Conundrum Hot Springs.
By the way, the guy who told me to push myself had just climbed a 14er on his 67th birthday. so, here's to always looking UP.

Running

I thought I would talk about my run. I start out DOWN my driveway, which is a bit shorter than 1/4 mile. Then, it goes UP, gently, but always, always, I don't think I can even make it out of my driveway, much less all the way to the mailbox, up the killer hill. but, I trudge on and about half way up to where I start back downhill, I am always by then, lost in thought. after a short downhill, I start up gently, then steeper. I want to stop about halfway. I don't. I tell myself I'll feel bad if I don't just slug it out and go the whole way. There's a sign on the hill that says "slow" which always makes me laugh. I get past that, and after that, I only have to make it past a tree and the steep grade levels out. It's still up all the way to the top, which is about 1/2 mile. All this way, I am surrounded by mountains. It's not like I'm running in the city or a swamp or a garbage dump. It's a dirt road. Sometimes a car goes by - a neighbor on their way to work. My view is outstanding. The way back is mostly downhill. It's amazing, people will visit from, say, the Midwest and we'll go for a walk. let's say we start out downhill. and then we say, " well, don't forget, the way back will be uphill." OH. They are always surprised. Well, my way back is downhill mostly. that's where I just automatically start thinking about my chakras. I usually get through 2 or 3 and then lose my train of thought. but that's o.k. It's a routine. I catch it again up the little hill. then get finished on the way back up the driveway. Into the house, and depending on circumstances, on to situps or bath and dressed for work.
The weather here is frightful and this afternoon I am ready for a book in bed.

perseverance

So, I got my book "Younger Next Year for Women." The main theme is exercise. Do NOT worry about losing weight. oh, well, don't eat crap is theme number 2. I'm really liking it, at least I'm finding it easy to read. I kind of skipped the first part that said exercise with your husband who is currently not speaking to me because he did dishes the other day and they were stinky and messy (well, that's a different blog - the one where he says he'll do dishes, so I don't, so a week later when he does them...)
I don't particularly like the time change, but I am looking forward to it being lighter out in the mornings. I did get to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine the other day. I did make about half a snowman.. the snow had melted so there wasn't that much and it didn't pack very easily.. but we're supposed to get another storm tomorrow, so I wanted to at least pile up some of what was there to add to it.. Can't say I even broke a bead (of sweat) as I sat in the snow and enjoyed the warmth and all the beauty around me.
So Exercise it is!!! (oh, they say exercise SIX days a week!!! six. yes, six) off I go. my new, not really new, goal, is to look back in a year, see where I started and see where I am.

The Try

I have a close friend with a video company. He made a film called "The Try." (see http://www.haveypro.com/) It is mainly about cowboys and how hard they work at life and rodeo. makes me look like one big wimp. so, here I am, once again frustrated and getting back with the program.
This after I came home from work and had a bowl of cheezits and peanuts for dinner, followed by a small portion of leftover chicken and dumplings and leftover chocolate bavarian cream while reading in bed. I could market the rich dessert in the gourmet world.
I did have a light breakfast of energy bar and yogurt, then a lovely salad for lunch.
There was no weigh in this morning after pretending to stretch and exercise but we had a nice snowstorm and I went straight from jammies to flannel lined jeans and boots. I did trudge up and sweep off the solar panels for about 3 minutes worth of aerobics. sort of pathetic. however, if I get off work in time, I will make up for it by making a snowman at the end of the driveway. The neighborhood counts on me for visual entertainment. Last winter's drought and my illness saw only 1 snowman.  so far, this winter is off to a good start. at least for the weather. as far as me losing weight - that remains to be seen. what's my deadline? summer hiking? I'll TRY.

complacency

This is the big battle! What do I care what I weigh? So what that I feel better a few pounds lighter. So what that the new pants my huband picked up for me at the hardware store don't fit. Wondering where my motivation is - ha! It's in my butt! my heavy lard ass that does not want to go out and exersice.
But I did exercise. A neighbor came over, so I did not do my situps or weights but at least I went up the hill. I walked, didn't run. But that was o.k. Three steps out the door get my heart rate going. oh, and I weigh 146. still. maybe tomorrow I'll weigh less. After all, I did have chicken and dumplings and mashed potatoes and gravy. It was sooo good. but I had carrots and brussel sprouts and salad first so I didn't eat so much of the rest. I think it worked.
I think part of my problem is depression. huh. ya think that might have something to do with my motivation? well, let's work on that shall we?

what to do

yesterday was a blur cooking a belated birthday dinner for my son. chicken and dumplings, gravy, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, spaghetti squash and chocolate bavarian cream for dessert. it was all delicious and today, here I am at 146. what's a girl to do. a day off might help. a day off hiking in the mountains. a day off cleaning out the pantry. (does that count in the bending stretching department?) life in general seems to be getting nowhere in getting the inside of our house finished/catching up on bills. where is my inspiration? it seems to be eluding me.

good workout today

Weigh in was 145, which is seemingly the norm that I'm trying to get away from, however, I had a great jog, situps and arm weights. tonight I'm going with the grandkids to the school carnival, and we will eat chili supper there. I had a revelation this morning while running that I used to run everyday but never lost weight until I cut down on what I ate and portion sizes! I have all these little bowls from the asian market and use them (the littlest ones) to control food amounts. we'll see how that goes. trying and trying to battle this weight!!!
the weird thing with my hip falling asleep however is bothering me all day today.. so I don't know what's up with that. if it doesn't stop in another week or so, I will make an appointment with my acupuncturist to try to figure out what is stuck... I am hopeful that I am moving in the right direction. well, at least I'm moving.

still bouncing

I am still fluctuating between 145 and 146 and 146.5 and on and on. I am still fluctuating between eating just salad and carrot sticks and smoothies to (last night) a full blown meal (thus the extra half pound this morning), the glass of white wine (ah no wonder that bottle was just sitting in my pantry) that kept me awake all night.. and I have my hard work day today. well, I'll just slug it out, get through it and try again to maintain some sort of regimen. exercise. it's all about exercise. really, for the most part, my diet is awesome. the veal piccatta, quinoa and bok choy could not have been the culprit of half a pound weight gain. really? then there was the cookie. and of course the wine. well, off I go to the land of yoga stretches. after a great workout 2 days ago my back is crackling and moving better and it feels so good. my hip is no longer going dead in the night. here's to keeping it up.

hanging in there

   I seem to have missed a day because this is day 3 of the clay. yesterday I thought I could go again with the tea and water but didn't make it and ate the rest of the cashews I keep in my office and 2 papaya spears. hung in there when I got home and made miso, garlic and mung bean noodle soup. I think I had a bite of something else and 3 potato chips (that my husband was eating). today, it's 145. I think that's what I weighed yesterday after I waited to pee one more time and then weigh again after I was 145.5.
  Today I had a smoothie with banana, yogurt, kale, juice, coconut cream, ground flax seed and spirulina; carrot salad with sunflower seeds and raisins and a spoonful of mayo and some energy bars I make but stopped myself at 2 (or 3?) trying to be "mindful" when I ate.. while furiously finishing my stories for deadline. no morning exercise cuz I was up and writing at 6 a.m., but when I got home I took a walk with the husband and the dog... through a foot of snow. not much but something. for dinner it's quinoa and brussel sprouts. and salad with avacado. and ranch dressing. I am bound and determined to stick with this. besides, what could be more fun? 

challenge and frustration

Nothing but water - yerba mate' tea with lemon and honey. the bentonite clay is a centuries old Indian tradition. It takes toxins out of the body. just gathers them up. the psyllium husk moves it out. I usually do 3 days of that - once in the morning. I thought about doing it again after work but didn't. instead I made a big cup of hops/skullcap/mint and read a book. I weigh 146 this morning. I guess I want immediate gratification. gee, who doesn't? One thing about the water diet.. or not eating a lot and drinking lots of water is that you have to be in a situation where you can pee every 20 to 40 minutes or so. That can be annoying. Sometimes I eat something bulky because I know I'm going to be in a situation where I can't do that. see where that's gotten me.
It's windy out but the dog really misses going for a run. so I'll take her.. and myself. I thought about how good the jogging is for me. On the way up I let my brain rattle around, but on the way down I go through my chakras and try to get grounded. I got into doing that when I was in bumfuck Louisiana and jogged along the Mississippi river levee. At that time I just memorized the chakras and what each was for. Now I visualize each one as swirling around me. and in me. plus I get my 20 minutes of sunshine - good for the psyche. I run 1 mile up a killer hill. I've thought about pushing that further. well, first I have to get that 1 mile going. then we'll see. the hold up is time, but if I get off this computer and out the door, I'll be o.k. Anyway, I told someone about my blog and he told me about a book called "Younger Next Year" and one of the premises in the book was to do something over the edge. Aside from wanting to lose 10 pounds (by next week), I told him I wanted to hike up to Conundrum Hot Springs near Carbondale. It's an 8 mile hike. Up. With a pack. so, you think maybe I could start running more than 1 mile. then add weight. One of my favorite movies is "Ruthless People" with Bette Midler, and she is kidnapped and has nothing to do so starts working out in these people's basement and eating carrot sticks and gets in shape. (Fav. famous movie quote - "Give the bag to Bozo...") Another inspiration was Sylvester Stallone talked about losing weight after he had to be a donut eating cop in "Copland" and he said, you just have to be a little hungry all the time. oh, so then, the article after the healthy gut article in my magazine is about Mindful Eating. slowing down and paying attention to every nugget. so, there. There's today inspiration. Run, run.

Week Two

Since I skipped a couple days, I guess I can start by keeping track of how many weeks I've been trudging along with no progress on my weight. Yesterday I weighed in at 146 and this morning it was back to a very sad 147.5. I had pancakes (oat and wheat) salad, bread and butter, leftover cauliflower caserole, leftover scalloped potatoes and three beers. We went wood cutting. Good exercise. When we were done, my husband handed me a cold beer from the cooler. yum. but one led to another and then one with dinner. There was also a problem with dinner. I was compelled to finish off the cauliflower casserole, so I did. I wasn't really that hungry. but I ate it anyway so it didn't go to waste. I said to myself while I was doing it that I really shouldn't eat all this. and then there was all the delicious burnt cheese on the potatoes. that I just shoveled in because they were on my plate. then, I didn't sleep so hot. gee, go figure. so now I woke up late and don't have time to exercise.
There are so many factors going on here. Eating all that's on my plate and eating what my husband makes for me or having a beer because he's having one. Well, he can have one just fine. He is a grizzly old guy who has to remember to eat. skinny as a rail. I am a girl. with a chubby belly.
 I have an obsession with pooping good as part of my bloated/notbloated feeling. I open up this month's Whole Living (Martha Stewart) and here's an article about unhealthy guts. Well, I'm not done with the article, but it just backs up everything I think I know about having healthy bacteria inside - in your gut. throughout the intestines, colon. more on that later but what I have a tendency to do is a simple cleanse when I feel I'm not getting the right foods - sort of to kick start or get back to some healthy eating. None of this is by any means scientific or dr. recommended, just what I do after much reading on the topic. About once a year, I'll do Hulda Clark's gallbladder cleanse. More occasionally I'll do bentonite clay with psyllium husk. with or without eating. Today, I'm doing it with yerba mate tea, lemon and honey. it's no surprise, that with a good cleanse I drop multiple pounds. as much as 7 with the gallbladder cleanse, of course much of that being water, but imagine all that stuff stuck in my intestines. Then, there's the slow ease back into eating "regular" food. it usually takes me about 3 days to fall off the wagon and have apotato chip or something. but at a glance, the western diet is the culprit for lack of good bacteria and too much bad bacteria in our guts. duh.
Today's exercise is splitting wood. getting my shoes on right now. don't have to make lunch. or breakfast. had my clay. lots of water. Onward.
I ordered the book "Younger Next Year for Women." more on that after I get it.

Day 12?

Yesterday's happy weigh-in was 145.5. Today I was 144.5 See.. if I  just lay off for a couple days, it drops.. the weight that is. but then so does my guard so to speak and I have a cookie and it all comes back but the latest problem has been not being able to get under 143 which a year ago was my bad high weight and now I seem to be happy to get back to it... oh woe. the easiest difference I can identify in this past year has been my lack of exercise from having been sick. no excuses now.
yesterday I mentioned strengthening my core.. that would be in the sit up department. the core strenghtening is just as much for the inside of me as for the outside. just getting down on the floor is somewhat settling in itself. and once I'm down there, I'm also somewhat inclined to give myself a moment of grounding. meditation.
ah - the "Let's just have salad for dinner" experiment was good. My husband, being off the hook to have to cook for me went above and beyond and boiled an egg, bought an organic tomato (that tasted like a tomato) and steamed asparagus for my salad. huh. reverse psychology. men.
so, oatmeal for breakfast, a smoothie for lunch, salad.
so, I reflect on what my goal is and my vision of what I want kind of wavers to my vision of myself as a younger me - no encroaching jowls and turkey neck. my face will look better 10 pounds lighter. so, what I really see is me back in my size 10 jeans and able to trot up the mountainside. keep it going. I'm really really trying.

day 11

the answer is no. you can't eat a salad everyday and then whatever else you want. skip yesterday's weigh in of 147.5. depression is what sets in on an unhealthy diet. then lack of motivation. forget that they were Marian's lemon cupcakes and it was a birthday party. and now, (I don't believe in coincidences) I'm reading "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb. even though I'm not even close to obese, Lamb really gets into the dysfunctional mindframe. so, I'm back at it. healthy food. exercise to follow. and core strenghthening. that means situps. busy day at the library so I have many deep thoughts to share but they will have to wait. or weight. peace and love

day 9

146 and counting. so, as far as no worse for the wear goes, all those carbs weren't too bad on me but I am currently having grated carrot, avacado and walnuts for lunch to combat the lemon cupcakes and delicious hors d' oeuvres I had at a birthday party last night. maybe I will manage to go to the store for some salad fixings. or something healthy to get off this unhealthy binge I've been on. however, I do have blue corn tortillas in the fridge waiting to become enchiladas with ancho sauce. so, is this an exercise in wit or an exercise in exercise. If I eat salad every day and exercise, does all the rest matter? stay tuned.

Day Eight

A trip out of town was rough but the great thing is, my weight didn't take it in the shorts. I ate beans and rice and tortillas and fat and grease and salt and am tired but otherwise no worse for the wear. What I am is anxious to get back into my routine. I think this slow start has been o.k. as far as making me face up to what I eat and do to stay in shape. It's all relative.

Day Five

In commiserating with my sister, one big goal is to not hate the exercise but to embrace it. I can talk myself out of or into it at the drop of a hat. This morning, it was out of.
Bernie makes dinner on Fridays for me, but I think that's going to be shortlived. Since I started working at the library, Fridays wipe me out, I don't get home unitl 6 p.m., and I had aksed him if he could do that one thing. Well, he's pissed about one thing or another pretty much every Friday/dinnertime and I think I get served "hate" meals. It's not always about me. He could be pissed at a customer or the fact we have no money or time to finish tasks etc, but it comes out in having to cook me dinner. so, I've decided that Friday is going to be big salad night and I'll just have lots of stuff available to make that. It's just that I come home starving and eat whatever is in front of me. (hmm, that's most nights) Well, last night was shrimp and noodles and cauliflower. lots of butter and garlic. really yummy. but served with contention. He had a bad day (shopping for correct stovepipe for the stove that I bought, therefore it is faulty - there's of course way more to that story which has nothing to do with my diet other than stress and excuses for not exercising.)
oh, and it's not like I didn't move this morning. I went once around the yard with the dog, which equates to about 1/2 mile. hardly any arobics. and then I drug my bottles around to the side of the house where I'm saving them to make a bottle wall for planters in my free time. I pretended to do some stretch and bend like a 1980s Jane Fonda tape while emptying the bottles. stay tuned on the bottle walls.
Oatmeal for breakfast, smoothie for lunch. Then, we're going out ot town so it's suprise for dinner and the rest of the weekend. aint life grand.

Day Four

I forgot to put yesterday's weight. It was 144.5. Today, 143.5. We'll see where this goes. It seems that since I started this, my diet has been in the dumper. I mean, beer and fritos for dinner? Maybe it's the exercise.
which I didn't do much of today. Once around the yard with the dog, arm weights and no sit-ups - excuse being there's no floor space. My husband is building his closet and had moved all the furniture that used to be in that space to the other side of the room. I looked at the floor and could have but didn't. lame. besides, it's my long library day. oh, I remember what I figured out one of my problems with not having time to exercise in the mornings was - I lie in bed and read and don't want to stop. or sometimes my husband and I visit in the mornings over tea. seems it's our quiet time. The end of the day is often too crazy.
food so far today was a repeat of green chili cheese potatoes and an egg - noodles and tomato sauce and husband surprise for dinner. He cooks for me on Fridays - my long day.
over and out for now.

day three

where to start. I have all kinds of profound thoughts and now. pfft. eating fritos and beer for dinner. watched grandchildren for a bit this afternoon so had a half a nutella sandwich and lefotver ramen. nutritious. however, I ran with 7 pounds in my pack this morning. my theory is if I add the weight I want to lose it will somehow transfer it away from what I carry in my pack. then I had a totally busy day touring a fire/burn area for the press, which was me and a guy from the TV station and the forest service fellows. had oatmeal for breakfast on the run, no vitamins and a smoothie and energy bars for lunch and then you heard the rest. I was also thinking I should have a goal so I'll get around to that shortly. like what? lose 10 pounds? oh for sure. also, i want to hike 8 miles to a hot spring near Aspen. have to pack in to stay overnight or a week or whatever. well, I'll have to carry more than 7 pounds for more than 1 mile. but it's a start and a cool goal. over and out for today.

Day two

Great. A late meeting last night. Two cookies for dinner. Home at 9 p.m. A cup of sleepy tea (skullcap, mint, hops) and down for the count... all the way until 4 a.m. The full moon was maybe wakeful, but I never sleep well when I haven't finished my stories.
Breakfast was one egg with green chili cheese fried potatoes and all my vitamins with a big glass of juice. If I was counting calories, I probably blew it right there but didn't care. It was all about getting out the door and to work to finish by deadline. Lunch is a variation of yesterday's spinach salad but today with cucumbers and yogurt ranch and more egglplant parmesan. with big fat noodles. and tomato sauce from fresh tomatoes.
No exercise. and I have to go out to meet an old friend of my husband's after work, so, I'll stretch lunch into late afternoon and most likely have beer for dinner.
I don't seem to be off to a very good start on publicizing my big scheme for grand weight loss and strength training but maybe guilt and shame will catch up with me. We'll see. I didn't gain any weight but am the same as yesterday at 145. Hang in there. Otherwise, this is really boring. Peace and love.

Diet and Exercise

Good Morning
Day one of my diet and exercise blog. I live in Colorado. At 57, I've gained 5 pounds and then 5 more - more or less, depending on when we start counting. A couple years after living with the man, I had gained the first 5 pounds. woo.
 Eight years ago I weighed 127 right before I moved in with my then boyfriend now husband. Today I'm 145. Bummer. Well, I'm older. And I don't work out like I used to. And I eat hamburgers occasionally. with french fries. and beer. yum.
Last year I was sick for 6 months. no exercise. hardly even life. horrible medication. but I'm better now and trying to get back in action. I hardly hiked this summer but want to be in shape for next season.
before I didn't have any jobs. Then I had 1. Now I have 2. Plus the stress of a mortgage and on and on. Bills. Money. Depression. Stress. Weight gain.
So, what gets me going? I figured, if I publish what I eat and if I exercised, maybe it will mean something. Better than my imaginary crowd cheering for me at the end of my jog.
so, here it is.
I'm having oatmeal with toast and coffee. total comfort food. It's something that gets me to take my vitamins. very important to my self wellness.
I take a good mutli with high b-vitamins. fish oils, evening primrose, vit. c, cal/mag/zinc and 5htp (to battle the depression).
I walked my 1 mile today. sometimes I jog, but I had time, so I walked. I go up a big killer hill. no sit ups. arm weights. 10 reps each of curls and shoulders and triceps with 7 lbs each side.
I have a busy day ahead so will go make my lunch in a minute and I think I'll have a spinach salad with apples and feta and my fav. buttermilk dressing. sometimes I get on oil and vinegar jags, but not today. I have a meeting at the end of the day, so may or may not take extra food. leftover eggplant parmesan is the choice. I'll chime in later to let you know how I did.
I have 40 minutes before I need to be on the job. I work for a weekly newspaper. Today is deadline day pretty much. I have an interview at 10 a.m. Tomorrow morning is for last minute finishing. Sometimes my job(s) are hectic and exercise and eating right are backseat action. (fucked)
Usually I eat right. If I starve for a couple days, I lose 2 pounds. then I have toast. yum. hello 2 pounds. must enjoy life. where's my attitude?
...must get ready for work.
so far this is fun.