what to do

yesterday was a blur cooking a belated birthday dinner for my son. chicken and dumplings, gravy, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, spaghetti squash and chocolate bavarian cream for dessert. it was all delicious and today, here I am at 146. what's a girl to do. a day off might help. a day off hiking in the mountains. a day off cleaning out the pantry. (does that count in the bending stretching department?) life in general seems to be getting nowhere in getting the inside of our house finished/catching up on bills. where is my inspiration? it seems to be eluding me.

good workout today

Weigh in was 145, which is seemingly the norm that I'm trying to get away from, however, I had a great jog, situps and arm weights. tonight I'm going with the grandkids to the school carnival, and we will eat chili supper there. I had a revelation this morning while running that I used to run everyday but never lost weight until I cut down on what I ate and portion sizes! I have all these little bowls from the asian market and use them (the littlest ones) to control food amounts. we'll see how that goes. trying and trying to battle this weight!!!
the weird thing with my hip falling asleep however is bothering me all day today.. so I don't know what's up with that. if it doesn't stop in another week or so, I will make an appointment with my acupuncturist to try to figure out what is stuck... I am hopeful that I am moving in the right direction. well, at least I'm moving.

still bouncing

I am still fluctuating between 145 and 146 and 146.5 and on and on. I am still fluctuating between eating just salad and carrot sticks and smoothies to (last night) a full blown meal (thus the extra half pound this morning), the glass of white wine (ah no wonder that bottle was just sitting in my pantry) that kept me awake all night.. and I have my hard work day today. well, I'll just slug it out, get through it and try again to maintain some sort of regimen. exercise. it's all about exercise. really, for the most part, my diet is awesome. the veal piccatta, quinoa and bok choy could not have been the culprit of half a pound weight gain. really? then there was the cookie. and of course the wine. well, off I go to the land of yoga stretches. after a great workout 2 days ago my back is crackling and moving better and it feels so good. my hip is no longer going dead in the night. here's to keeping it up.

hanging in there

   I seem to have missed a day because this is day 3 of the clay. yesterday I thought I could go again with the tea and water but didn't make it and ate the rest of the cashews I keep in my office and 2 papaya spears. hung in there when I got home and made miso, garlic and mung bean noodle soup. I think I had a bite of something else and 3 potato chips (that my husband was eating). today, it's 145. I think that's what I weighed yesterday after I waited to pee one more time and then weigh again after I was 145.5.
  Today I had a smoothie with banana, yogurt, kale, juice, coconut cream, ground flax seed and spirulina; carrot salad with sunflower seeds and raisins and a spoonful of mayo and some energy bars I make but stopped myself at 2 (or 3?) trying to be "mindful" when I ate.. while furiously finishing my stories for deadline. no morning exercise cuz I was up and writing at 6 a.m., but when I got home I took a walk with the husband and the dog... through a foot of snow. not much but something. for dinner it's quinoa and brussel sprouts. and salad with avacado. and ranch dressing. I am bound and determined to stick with this. besides, what could be more fun? 

challenge and frustration

Nothing but water - yerba mate' tea with lemon and honey. the bentonite clay is a centuries old Indian tradition. It takes toxins out of the body. just gathers them up. the psyllium husk moves it out. I usually do 3 days of that - once in the morning. I thought about doing it again after work but didn't. instead I made a big cup of hops/skullcap/mint and read a book. I weigh 146 this morning. I guess I want immediate gratification. gee, who doesn't? One thing about the water diet.. or not eating a lot and drinking lots of water is that you have to be in a situation where you can pee every 20 to 40 minutes or so. That can be annoying. Sometimes I eat something bulky because I know I'm going to be in a situation where I can't do that. see where that's gotten me.
It's windy out but the dog really misses going for a run. so I'll take her.. and myself. I thought about how good the jogging is for me. On the way up I let my brain rattle around, but on the way down I go through my chakras and try to get grounded. I got into doing that when I was in bumfuck Louisiana and jogged along the Mississippi river levee. At that time I just memorized the chakras and what each was for. Now I visualize each one as swirling around me. and in me. plus I get my 20 minutes of sunshine - good for the psyche. I run 1 mile up a killer hill. I've thought about pushing that further. well, first I have to get that 1 mile going. then we'll see. the hold up is time, but if I get off this computer and out the door, I'll be o.k. Anyway, I told someone about my blog and he told me about a book called "Younger Next Year" and one of the premises in the book was to do something over the edge. Aside from wanting to lose 10 pounds (by next week), I told him I wanted to hike up to Conundrum Hot Springs near Carbondale. It's an 8 mile hike. Up. With a pack. so, you think maybe I could start running more than 1 mile. then add weight. One of my favorite movies is "Ruthless People" with Bette Midler, and she is kidnapped and has nothing to do so starts working out in these people's basement and eating carrot sticks and gets in shape. (Fav. famous movie quote - "Give the bag to Bozo...") Another inspiration was Sylvester Stallone talked about losing weight after he had to be a donut eating cop in "Copland" and he said, you just have to be a little hungry all the time. oh, so then, the article after the healthy gut article in my magazine is about Mindful Eating. slowing down and paying attention to every nugget. so, there. There's today inspiration. Run, run.

Week Two

Since I skipped a couple days, I guess I can start by keeping track of how many weeks I've been trudging along with no progress on my weight. Yesterday I weighed in at 146 and this morning it was back to a very sad 147.5. I had pancakes (oat and wheat) salad, bread and butter, leftover cauliflower caserole, leftover scalloped potatoes and three beers. We went wood cutting. Good exercise. When we were done, my husband handed me a cold beer from the cooler. yum. but one led to another and then one with dinner. There was also a problem with dinner. I was compelled to finish off the cauliflower casserole, so I did. I wasn't really that hungry. but I ate it anyway so it didn't go to waste. I said to myself while I was doing it that I really shouldn't eat all this. and then there was all the delicious burnt cheese on the potatoes. that I just shoveled in because they were on my plate. then, I didn't sleep so hot. gee, go figure. so now I woke up late and don't have time to exercise.
There are so many factors going on here. Eating all that's on my plate and eating what my husband makes for me or having a beer because he's having one. Well, he can have one just fine. He is a grizzly old guy who has to remember to eat. skinny as a rail. I am a girl. with a chubby belly.
 I have an obsession with pooping good as part of my bloated/notbloated feeling. I open up this month's Whole Living (Martha Stewart) and here's an article about unhealthy guts. Well, I'm not done with the article, but it just backs up everything I think I know about having healthy bacteria inside - in your gut. throughout the intestines, colon. more on that later but what I have a tendency to do is a simple cleanse when I feel I'm not getting the right foods - sort of to kick start or get back to some healthy eating. None of this is by any means scientific or dr. recommended, just what I do after much reading on the topic. About once a year, I'll do Hulda Clark's gallbladder cleanse. More occasionally I'll do bentonite clay with psyllium husk. with or without eating. Today, I'm doing it with yerba mate tea, lemon and honey. it's no surprise, that with a good cleanse I drop multiple pounds. as much as 7 with the gallbladder cleanse, of course much of that being water, but imagine all that stuff stuck in my intestines. Then, there's the slow ease back into eating "regular" food. it usually takes me about 3 days to fall off the wagon and have apotato chip or something. but at a glance, the western diet is the culprit for lack of good bacteria and too much bad bacteria in our guts. duh.
Today's exercise is splitting wood. getting my shoes on right now. don't have to make lunch. or breakfast. had my clay. lots of water. Onward.
I ordered the book "Younger Next Year for Women." more on that after I get it.

Day 12?

Yesterday's happy weigh-in was 145.5. Today I was 144.5 See.. if I  just lay off for a couple days, it drops.. the weight that is. but then so does my guard so to speak and I have a cookie and it all comes back but the latest problem has been not being able to get under 143 which a year ago was my bad high weight and now I seem to be happy to get back to it... oh woe. the easiest difference I can identify in this past year has been my lack of exercise from having been sick. no excuses now.
yesterday I mentioned strengthening my core.. that would be in the sit up department. the core strenghtening is just as much for the inside of me as for the outside. just getting down on the floor is somewhat settling in itself. and once I'm down there, I'm also somewhat inclined to give myself a moment of grounding. meditation.
ah - the "Let's just have salad for dinner" experiment was good. My husband, being off the hook to have to cook for me went above and beyond and boiled an egg, bought an organic tomato (that tasted like a tomato) and steamed asparagus for my salad. huh. reverse psychology. men.
so, oatmeal for breakfast, a smoothie for lunch, salad.
so, I reflect on what my goal is and my vision of what I want kind of wavers to my vision of myself as a younger me - no encroaching jowls and turkey neck. my face will look better 10 pounds lighter. so, what I really see is me back in my size 10 jeans and able to trot up the mountainside. keep it going. I'm really really trying.

day 11

the answer is no. you can't eat a salad everyday and then whatever else you want. skip yesterday's weigh in of 147.5. depression is what sets in on an unhealthy diet. then lack of motivation. forget that they were Marian's lemon cupcakes and it was a birthday party. and now, (I don't believe in coincidences) I'm reading "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb. even though I'm not even close to obese, Lamb really gets into the dysfunctional mindframe. so, I'm back at it. healthy food. exercise to follow. and core strenghthening. that means situps. busy day at the library so I have many deep thoughts to share but they will have to wait. or weight. peace and love

day 9

146 and counting. so, as far as no worse for the wear goes, all those carbs weren't too bad on me but I am currently having grated carrot, avacado and walnuts for lunch to combat the lemon cupcakes and delicious hors d' oeuvres I had at a birthday party last night. maybe I will manage to go to the store for some salad fixings. or something healthy to get off this unhealthy binge I've been on. however, I do have blue corn tortillas in the fridge waiting to become enchiladas with ancho sauce. so, is this an exercise in wit or an exercise in exercise. If I eat salad every day and exercise, does all the rest matter? stay tuned.

Day Eight

A trip out of town was rough but the great thing is, my weight didn't take it in the shorts. I ate beans and rice and tortillas and fat and grease and salt and am tired but otherwise no worse for the wear. What I am is anxious to get back into my routine. I think this slow start has been o.k. as far as making me face up to what I eat and do to stay in shape. It's all relative.

Day Five

In commiserating with my sister, one big goal is to not hate the exercise but to embrace it. I can talk myself out of or into it at the drop of a hat. This morning, it was out of.
Bernie makes dinner on Fridays for me, but I think that's going to be shortlived. Since I started working at the library, Fridays wipe me out, I don't get home unitl 6 p.m., and I had aksed him if he could do that one thing. Well, he's pissed about one thing or another pretty much every Friday/dinnertime and I think I get served "hate" meals. It's not always about me. He could be pissed at a customer or the fact we have no money or time to finish tasks etc, but it comes out in having to cook me dinner. so, I've decided that Friday is going to be big salad night and I'll just have lots of stuff available to make that. It's just that I come home starving and eat whatever is in front of me. (hmm, that's most nights) Well, last night was shrimp and noodles and cauliflower. lots of butter and garlic. really yummy. but served with contention. He had a bad day (shopping for correct stovepipe for the stove that I bought, therefore it is faulty - there's of course way more to that story which has nothing to do with my diet other than stress and excuses for not exercising.)
oh, and it's not like I didn't move this morning. I went once around the yard with the dog, which equates to about 1/2 mile. hardly any arobics. and then I drug my bottles around to the side of the house where I'm saving them to make a bottle wall for planters in my free time. I pretended to do some stretch and bend like a 1980s Jane Fonda tape while emptying the bottles. stay tuned on the bottle walls.
Oatmeal for breakfast, smoothie for lunch. Then, we're going out ot town so it's suprise for dinner and the rest of the weekend. aint life grand.

Day Four

I forgot to put yesterday's weight. It was 144.5. Today, 143.5. We'll see where this goes. It seems that since I started this, my diet has been in the dumper. I mean, beer and fritos for dinner? Maybe it's the exercise.
which I didn't do much of today. Once around the yard with the dog, arm weights and no sit-ups - excuse being there's no floor space. My husband is building his closet and had moved all the furniture that used to be in that space to the other side of the room. I looked at the floor and could have but didn't. lame. besides, it's my long library day. oh, I remember what I figured out one of my problems with not having time to exercise in the mornings was - I lie in bed and read and don't want to stop. or sometimes my husband and I visit in the mornings over tea. seems it's our quiet time. The end of the day is often too crazy.
food so far today was a repeat of green chili cheese potatoes and an egg - noodles and tomato sauce and husband surprise for dinner. He cooks for me on Fridays - my long day.
over and out for now.

day three

where to start. I have all kinds of profound thoughts and now. pfft. eating fritos and beer for dinner. watched grandchildren for a bit this afternoon so had a half a nutella sandwich and lefotver ramen. nutritious. however, I ran with 7 pounds in my pack this morning. my theory is if I add the weight I want to lose it will somehow transfer it away from what I carry in my pack. then I had a totally busy day touring a fire/burn area for the press, which was me and a guy from the TV station and the forest service fellows. had oatmeal for breakfast on the run, no vitamins and a smoothie and energy bars for lunch and then you heard the rest. I was also thinking I should have a goal so I'll get around to that shortly. like what? lose 10 pounds? oh for sure. also, i want to hike 8 miles to a hot spring near Aspen. have to pack in to stay overnight or a week or whatever. well, I'll have to carry more than 7 pounds for more than 1 mile. but it's a start and a cool goal. over and out for today.

Day two

Great. A late meeting last night. Two cookies for dinner. Home at 9 p.m. A cup of sleepy tea (skullcap, mint, hops) and down for the count... all the way until 4 a.m. The full moon was maybe wakeful, but I never sleep well when I haven't finished my stories.
Breakfast was one egg with green chili cheese fried potatoes and all my vitamins with a big glass of juice. If I was counting calories, I probably blew it right there but didn't care. It was all about getting out the door and to work to finish by deadline. Lunch is a variation of yesterday's spinach salad but today with cucumbers and yogurt ranch and more egglplant parmesan. with big fat noodles. and tomato sauce from fresh tomatoes.
No exercise. and I have to go out to meet an old friend of my husband's after work, so, I'll stretch lunch into late afternoon and most likely have beer for dinner.
I don't seem to be off to a very good start on publicizing my big scheme for grand weight loss and strength training but maybe guilt and shame will catch up with me. We'll see. I didn't gain any weight but am the same as yesterday at 145. Hang in there. Otherwise, this is really boring. Peace and love.

Diet and Exercise

Good Morning
Day one of my diet and exercise blog. I live in Colorado. At 57, I've gained 5 pounds and then 5 more - more or less, depending on when we start counting. A couple years after living with the man, I had gained the first 5 pounds. woo.
 Eight years ago I weighed 127 right before I moved in with my then boyfriend now husband. Today I'm 145. Bummer. Well, I'm older. And I don't work out like I used to. And I eat hamburgers occasionally. with french fries. and beer. yum.
Last year I was sick for 6 months. no exercise. hardly even life. horrible medication. but I'm better now and trying to get back in action. I hardly hiked this summer but want to be in shape for next season.
before I didn't have any jobs. Then I had 1. Now I have 2. Plus the stress of a mortgage and on and on. Bills. Money. Depression. Stress. Weight gain.
So, what gets me going? I figured, if I publish what I eat and if I exercised, maybe it will mean something. Better than my imaginary crowd cheering for me at the end of my jog.
so, here it is.
I'm having oatmeal with toast and coffee. total comfort food. It's something that gets me to take my vitamins. very important to my self wellness.
I take a good mutli with high b-vitamins. fish oils, evening primrose, vit. c, cal/mag/zinc and 5htp (to battle the depression).
I walked my 1 mile today. sometimes I jog, but I had time, so I walked. I go up a big killer hill. no sit ups. arm weights. 10 reps each of curls and shoulders and triceps with 7 lbs each side.
I have a busy day ahead so will go make my lunch in a minute and I think I'll have a spinach salad with apples and feta and my fav. buttermilk dressing. sometimes I get on oil and vinegar jags, but not today. I have a meeting at the end of the day, so may or may not take extra food. leftover eggplant parmesan is the choice. I'll chime in later to let you know how I did.
I have 40 minutes before I need to be on the job. I work for a weekly newspaper. Today is deadline day pretty much. I have an interview at 10 a.m. Tomorrow morning is for last minute finishing. Sometimes my job(s) are hectic and exercise and eating right are backseat action. (fucked)
Usually I eat right. If I starve for a couple days, I lose 2 pounds. then I have toast. yum. hello 2 pounds. must enjoy life. where's my attitude?
...must get ready for work.
so far this is fun.